| "Ask an NT" time |
[Dec. 30th, 2011|02:30 pm] |
I'm posting this here because I think this is an aspie problem, and I figured there are some non-aspies here who can offer some insight. Kind of backwards for this community, sorry about that. (Feel free to add your input no matter who you are.)
Ok so...I got this text the other day that is still bothering me because I can't wrap my head around it, yet feel like a reply is expected of me.
It was from my sister-in-law and she said, "Sorry you couldn't come to x with us," x being a certain place my in-laws like to go for the holidays.
I wouldn't have known they went if she hadn't texted me, because nobody said anything to me about it. She asked my husband and he apparently told her I couldn't go because I was working (which was true).
1. Why is she apologizing to me when I am the one who didn't go? Is this passive aggressive or is this some kind of backwards genuine concern? I am not very good at picking up on indirect social cues.
2. How...do I respond to this? "It's ok"?
EDIT: Thanks, everyone! I feel a lot better now (like I have a better grasp of the situation, I mean). |
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| Aspergers and Writing Emotions Convincingly |
[Sep. 17th, 2011|07:11 pm] |
I was directed here by someone from the Anti'Shurtugal writing comm, so a lot of this will be x-posted from what I wrote to them.
I'm a writer, have been for maybe 5 years now. I've always felt something missing from my writing, even now - interestingly enough, non-writers don't seem to find anything wrong, but other writers can spot the same 'void' I do. A lot of them attritube it to the showing/telling conundrum, some just think I'm missing my own voice or forgetting to describe character reactions.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 3. (PLEASE don't call me an "aspie". I really hate that nickname, I think it's trying to make the disorder that's made my life a living hell sound "cute". But I digress...) Recently I've just begun to come to terms with the fact that in addition to lacking empathy, which has never really bothered me much, I really lack a basic understanding of emotions, both other people's and my own.
I can't describe emotions in my characters well because I can't express my own emotions or the emotions of others beyond simple descriptors and reasoning. Stuff like "happy" and "sad" is easy enough for me to identify, as well as WHY a person might be feeling those emotions (if I know the circumstances they're in), but it's really hard for me to understand more complex emotions and their causes and consequences.
So, here are my questions:
Do you think a writer with Aspergers could ever be successful/good at writing?
Have there been any good or sucessful fiction writers with some form of autism?
How would I go about becoming better at describing emotions and emotional response in my writing?
(Someone on a_soc_k asked for a list of emotions I can feel and identify, and I hope this is useful here as well: sadness, frustration, anger, excitement, arousal, boredom, and envy.) |
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| So I'm writing this book... |
[Sep. 16th, 2011|11:43 pm] |
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... or more or less these books. And I think I need your help. Currently, I'm in the process of writing two novels, one which plays in 16th century Prague and has a girl alchemist as the main character, the other is about a doctor who treats supernatural creatures (think dragons, griffins, mermaids and the like ;)). The thing is, they both have Asperger's Syndrome to some degree and I really want to make them work as people, because they're such vibrant characters in my mind, but I fear of portraying them unrealistically, or, what would be my worst fear, too clichéd. I've been closely studying autism for the last three years, but I still feel I could make an error that gravely offends somebody, somewhere. So I came here to ask you: If you were to read a fantasy novel (or a historical, in the first case) with an aspie as the main character, where would you draw the line and call it an offensive piece of crap? What are the worst and most common clichés you could think of and what would you like to see more of? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2011|01:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
Hello All! My name is Melissa, and I'm a para-educator for a special ed department in a public high school. I'm part way through my master's degree and teaching certificate, and for one of my classes I'm doing some research on what people think about including multimedia and technology in instruction for students with IEPs, FSPs, and 504 plans. I'd really appreciate any and all participation in my project.
If you are the PARENT or GUARDIAN of a child with an IEP, FSP, or 504 plan, please fill out my short, anonymous survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/9GMNBFP
If you are a STUDENT or a FORMER STUDENT with an IEP, FSP, or 504 plan, please fill out my short, anonymous survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/9BTKGJF
If you are a certificated TEACHER, please fill out my short, anonymous survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/93NBY3D
Thank you so much for all your help! |
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| So I think I may be an aspie... |
[Aug. 2nd, 2011|05:39 pm] |
My sister came home from her therapy session and informed me that she spent about 45 minutes out of the hour long session talking about me. I guess she had started talking about how different our personalities are and that I have trouble making friends and working and such. About halfway through the conversation her therapist had a lightbulb moment and grabbed a book to check the symptoms of aspergers. She said that obviously she cannot officially diagnose me because we've never met but they went through the symptoms and I fit them to a T.
Here's my question: even though I'm really pretty sure I am an aspie (I've suspected for awhile now), who would I go to for a proper diagnoses and what does that process involve?
Another question: What are some ways to cope with work and school if you're an aspie who also suffers from depression and ADD? |
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| *sigh* |
[May. 16th, 2011|12:40 pm] |
So here in Boston, the May Institute has been putting up those awful "What does autism look like?" billboards. (At least they acknowledge that non-verbal kids on the spectrum have feelings, but I haven't seen ANY billboards about HFA or Aspergers...)
Do you think I should contact the Autism Self-Advocacy Network about it?
Me, if I were going to write one, it would go something like this:
This is Tigerbright. She was in the top 10% of her graduating class in high school and again in college, but she quickly discovered that her academic skills were less important than social skills in the workplace. Tending both toward distraction and hyperfocus, she confused many of her bosses. One boss described her as "arrogant" and thought that she had overstated her skillset. T is a mother of a son on the autism spectrum and a daughter with focus issues. She has finally found her niche as a high-level business assistant with IT support skills at a small nonprofit that provides special education services to the Jewish community. At the age of 41, T was diagnosed with ADHD with Asperger's tendencies and an extremely high IQ. This information has greatly helped her to be aware of her own limitations and manage them for better success.
*sigh*
[Edit - I also feel incredibly guilty that my workplace gets grant money from Autism Speaks, but then, we're providing support, not looking for a cure...] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2011|10:31 am] |
I'm writing to ask for advice on how best to manage a team member who has recently informed me that he has Asperger's syndrome.
I'm a lawyer and manage a team of lawyers, including paralegals who hope to qualify as lawyers in due course. The person who has Asperger's is one of the paralegals in my team. He's very good at his job and I have no doubt will be an equally good lawyer when he qualifies.
We've always joked with him that he's anti-social as he doesn't join in with team lunches, or attend Christmas parties etc but there's never been any problems with that as it's always been recognised that not everyone likes to join in with social activities and there's never been any doubt that he's a fully functioning and well-liked member of the team. He also has at least 2 close friends at work, who are very supportive of him.
Until recently he was raising his daughter alone - he was only 20 when she was born and she is now 8 years old. Her behaviour has become increasingly 'naughty' and he has decided that he cannot cope any more and has sent his daughter to live with her mother, who is also a lawyer. Obviously this has led to him being somewhat depressed as he now sees his daughter only every other weekend. I have agreed with him that on the weekends he goes to fetch her from her mother's place he can leave early so he can arrive to pick her up in good time.
He has had a lot amount of time off due to illness. For example, he had swine flu but didn't attend his follow-up appointments as scheduled and when he became sick again as a result had to be rushed to hospital. I was also horrified when he told me that when his boiler broke down in freezing conditions he slept in his car for a couple of nights instead of going to a relative's house, which he could easily have done.
He now acknowledges that he hasn't taken proper care of himself, for example by not eating properly, by not staying at a relative's house when the boiler broke etc, which has led to him being vulnerable to illness. There are also cultural issues - he's a Sikh and is as a result very reluctant to admit to any 'weaknesses' that can be perceived to have a mental component.
I would be very grateful for any advice on how best to support my paralegal. For example, is the 'not taking care of himself' reasonably typical for someone who has Asperger's syndrome and if so, how can I continue to encourage him to make improvements in this area? He knows that if he continues to be ill I will have to commence a 'capability procedure' at work, which I'm reluctant to do as his work is good but his attendance remains a problem due to his illnesses.
At work we will make any accommodations we can to reasonably support him and I think it may be an encouraging sign that he is now willing to state that he has Asperger's syndrome and is presently seeking therapy. As his manager I'm trying to work out how best to support him but also try to ensure that what I do is not only in his interests but also that of the team - he understands that as he's in a support role his non-attendance causes significant problems for those team members who rely on his support. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2011|04:44 pm] |
I stumbled across this community and was so heartened by some of the things I read here. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety when I was about fifteen, but for a good long while I've suspected that what I have is in fact a mild form of Asperger's syndrome. I exhibit almost every one of the behaviors mentioned in these posts (spatial issues, poor social skills, the inability to comprehend why someone is offended/turned off by something, problems with change, black and white worldview, et cetera) to a relatively mild degree, but they're still there.
My question is twofold: if you have an official diagnosis, did you get it from a psychiatrist/psychologist? An autism clinic? I'm not even completely certain who to see to obtain an official diagnosis; I live in an area where it's extremely difficult to find support for adult Aspies. The second part of my question, though, is more of a worry: I do believe I have Asperger's, and I do believe it might answer many of my questions about my own behavior that I've had for years. Is that somehow less "legitimate" than being officially diagnosed? I mean, I have no background in psychiatry or neurological studies. What's to say I'm not suffering, one might say, from severe anxiety disorder?
I don't personally care what people think of me, but I do worry if a self-diagnosis might be less persuasive in say, support groups or getting treatment, than a diagnosis from a professional. I'd very much appreciate any facts or opinions to point me in the right direction. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2010|08:44 pm] |
Hello!
My 27-year-old husband Chris is being referred to a psychologist by our primary care physician to be evaluated for Asperger syndrome. The possible diagnosis comes as no particular surprise to us, and we're feeling pretty relieved and positive about it all. We're hoping that treatment will help us both learn some coping skills to strengthen our relationship (a lot of his behaviors trigger and reinforce my own extremely severe depression and anxiety, not a good mix! My coping method up to this point has been to just let him have his own way and do his own thing most of the time because it often seems easier to internalize things rather than try to explain them to him, and that's led to a lot of resentment on my part...).
What we don't know about is what to expect during the diagnosis process and what to expect from treatment, and I don't know what kind of good, trustworthy resources there are out there. Does anyone have any insight or suggestions?
Also, are there any other partners of people with Asperger's here who suffer from mental illnesses of their own, specifically anxiety or depression? Do you have any suggestions for resources? What kind of coping skills have you developed? |
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